I was a young coach, and one of my best friends was in a life style I did not agree with. We parted ways, and to be honest with you, I still remember some of the horrible things I said to her. Even though she was one of my closest friends at the time, we did not speak for years. Then one day, the phone rang and it was her. Yes, those days were before caller id and cell phones. I was surprised, but the sound of her voice made my heart leap. I was excited to reconnect. After a few moments of chit chat, she got right to the point. "I am calling to ask you a question. Are you still wearing that robe?" A bit confused, I asked her, "What are you talking about?" A pause, then her reply, "You know the black robe that you constantly wear when you judge people." My reply was, "Yes, I think I am." I don't remember much about the rest of the conversation, but I know that this was a wake-up call for me and my legalistic Christian ways.

Jim does a great job of showing us that one of the main reasons we judge others is to try and control them. He also shows us that this fails. I love his distinction between judging and assessing, a difference that he says lies in the heart of the assessor. I often wonder what would have been the result of my friendship if I had stood with my friend, instead of walking away. If I knew then, what I know now, I would have handled that situation totally different. Jim and the Lord really help transform me in this area of my life, and I believe this chapter can help you, too.

• When working with your players, do you use condemnation engineering to "fix" them? How does it make you feel? The 2nd reason Jim says we judge is to make us feel better about ourselves. Can you remember a time when you used this tactic?
• "Change involves adopting new narratives, spiritual disciplines, community and the help of God. The process of change is lengthy and challenging and will usually involve the help of others." (Page 189) Do you find this to be true in your life? I certainly do!
• Read Matthew 7:1-5. Jesus is very clear. We are NOT to judge. Jim has an interesting interpretation about what the "log" is in our eye. Do you agree?
• When Jim taught our class about his interpretation of "do not throw pearls to swine" (Matt 7:6), it was an "AHA " moment for me. He says not because they are unworthy but because they cannot digest them. His story of his ride home after his son's baseball game was classic. Does this conversation remind you of any you have had with your players? Can you say "aha", too?
• What are the 3 reasons Jesus gives us not to judge others?
•  Most importantly, what is the solution that Jim and Jesus give us? Do you think this method of correction will work for you as a Coach?
• Did you try the soul training exercise this week, a day without gossip? Did you just stay quiet, or did you try and reframe the conversation when gossip started among people? What was challenging about this?

This is all hard stuff. But remember, that putting on the character of Christ takes time. For me, not living as a Pharisee is always challenging. I have hurt my players' spirits when I have used condemnation engineering, even though I know it is wrong and it never works. Still I know that understanding why I judge and why it is wrong is the first step to NOT doing it. It's a process. So...

Keep the Faith,

Jane